Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
