You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
