I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize