Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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