Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
