fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
