Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
