Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
