just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
