I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
