I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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