hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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