using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
