it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
