my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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