Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize