just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize