I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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