508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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