Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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