I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
