Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize