You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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