I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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