my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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