i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
