Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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