I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
