im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize