I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
