I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.