I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.