can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke