God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?