called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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