I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
