I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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