I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
