dude i'm inner monologue high
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize