You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
