I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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