It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
