How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
