I just made out with a guy for $7.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wear drunk well.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
