I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
