Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
