I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
