the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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