i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
