In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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