Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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