That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
