Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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