..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
