how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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