I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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