I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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