Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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