omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
