He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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