he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
